Didn't you know it was always you?
by smaragdbird
Summary: The Warden-Commander left to save Amaranthine and the Keep is preparing to fence off the Darkspawn attack. Without the Commander's consoling presence, despair hangs in the air and looms over the Wardens and soldiers, prompting people to try to make best of what is, as many believe, their last night. (Anders/Nathaniel)


The still air hung over the keep like a damp cloth making it hard to breathe easily. Anders felt unrest drumming through his veins as he stood on the battlements. The soldiers were shifting impatiently, staring out into the sunset, waiting for the inevitable.

Even Sigrun looked anxious, fiddling with parts of her armour and walking back and forth. When he caught her eyes she gave him a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes.

"These are good, sturdy walls. They will hold", she told him, patting the battlement. "She didn't leave us defenceless."

"I have more faith in your sturdy arms", he smiled flirtatiously.

The look Sigrun gave him was half exasperated, half fond and she turned back to squint into the dusk.

"Have you seen Nathaniel?" She asked.

"For a dead dwarf you care a lot about us living and not-so-living in Justice's case", he joked. "But no, I haven't seen him."

Knowing Nate he was probably doing something sensible like inspecting the walls or controlling that the doors that led downstairs were all locked. He had showed no reaction to the Commander's decision to leave him at the Keep even though his sister was trapped in Amaranthine.

"I better go and find him. Wouldn't do for our archer to miss the action."

"Anders", she hesitated a moment, then added, "Be nice."

Anders clutched his heart dramatically. "When have I ever been anything but gracious to my companions?"

It got him a smile from her but no answer.

After asking around a bit he found Nathaniel in the dungeons of all places. He was griping the bars as if they were a life line, holding him afloat.

"You know, if you miss being here, I could lock you in." Anders leaned casually against the door frame, watching Nathaniel startle when he spoke.

"Have the darkspawn arrived?" He asked after a moment to collect himself but he didn't turn to face Anders.

"Not yet. Sigrun was feeling antsy without you. You're not frightened, are you?"

Nathaniel turned to him, his eyes blazing with anger. "I'm not a coward, mage."

"Woah, relax, I never said you were." Anders held his hands up to calm Nathaniel although considering he was a mage that was probably not his best idea. But then Nathaniel had never bat a single lash at Anders' magic. "But I'm curious. Why would you want to spend what could be your last hours in a dungeon?"

"Maybe I wanted to be alone."

"You look pretty stressed, you know? So tight and tense", Anders dropped his voice.

Nathaniel shot him a withering glare.

"Hey, don't judge me. I could be dead tomorrow, you could be dead tomorrow. This is our last chance to have some fun, relive some tension, loosen up for the last time." With every word he had walked closer to Nathaniel, giving him his flirtiest look until he had him crowded against the bars.

Nathaniel gave him a doubtful look but Anders had only been halfway joking. This very well could be his last hours and Nate was hot. The light armour he was wearing certainly wasn't hiding anything and Anders itched with the desire to feel someone else's skin against his.

"What do you say? Last night on earth?"

Nathaniel said nothing but he wasn't telling Anders no either which Anders took as a permission to kiss him. Nate was not the type to keep quiet about things he didn't like. A heartbeat later Anders felt Nathaniel become pliant under him. One hand on his face and the other wrapped around his waist, Nathaniel kissed him as if he wanted to crawl into Anders' skin.

"Is that what they teach in the Free Marches? Because I might just have to go there and – "

This time Nathaniel kissed him, mostly to shut him up but Anders wasn't complaining. Pushing him against the wall. Anders' hands ran down Nathaniel's chest and found his belt. He was not going to waste what little time they had.

Nathaniel on the other hand seemed perfectly content to hold Anders close and kiss him until he melted because damn the Maker, Nate was good at this. In fact Anders felt like writing a thank you letter to whoever had taught Nathaniel to kiss like this.

Anders pushed them around, so that Nate had his back against the wall and took a moment to take him in. His face was flushed and he was breathing heavily and Anders could just picture how he would look underneath him, writhing in please while Anders devoured him.

The unrest he had felt earlier was still there and amplified by his lust. He needed to have Nathaniel. "You're wearing too many clothes."

"And you?" Nathaniel asked back but he started to undress, slow and meticulously.

Anders gave him a mischievous grin and pulled his robe over his head. He was naked underneath. "Now, hurry up." He stroked his cock slowly as he watched Nathaniel undress. He was well built, muscular and Anders couldn't wait to get his hands on him.

The look Nathaniel gave him was almost shy but he went willingly when Anders took his wrist and tugged him into the cell. The straw on the ground would still be more comfortable than the bare stone floor.

"Fuck, Nate, we could have done this months ago." Right after the first assault on the Keep in fact, or the camp in the Black Marshes or that inn in Amaranthine after they killed Rylock.

Anders pushed him down on his back and settled between his legs to lean down and press his mouth to Nathaniel's chest. He could hear his heart racing, so deliciously alive.

"What do you want me to do you, Nate?" Anders whispered, biting lightly into the crook of Nathaniel's neck, just enough to leave a mark.

"Whatever you want", Nathaniel answered shakily.

"Are you sure?" Anders licked along Nathaniel's jaw, eliciting a low moan from him. "Because I have so many ideas what do with you."

When Nathaniel nodded Anders gave him a cat-like grin. "I'm going to ruin you, Nate", he promised in a low voice.

/

"Should we both survive I will never not hold it against you that we didn't do this sooner." Anders lay on the ground to catch his breath while Nathaniel was already up and getting dressed again. This gave Anders a great view of all the marks he had left on Nathaniel: the ten perfect bruises on Nathaniel's hips, the lovebites on his neck, the imprint of Anders' teeth on his back. Anders was sorely tempted to grab him and take him a second time just to complete his masterpiece.

"Actually considering that we had last-night-on-earth sex let's have we-survived-the-end sex as well. Only if we both survive of course. None of that freaky flirting Oghren does with Justice."

"Do you ever stop talking?"

"Didn't hear you complaining earlier", Anders told him smugly. "Also you know perfectly well how to make me shut up. In fact I wouldn't complain if you –"

Nathaniel did kiss him but it wasn't the passionate, bone-melting kiss from earlier. Instead it was soft and sweet and laced with affection. Anders held stock still as Nathaniel cupped his cheek.

"I love you. Don't take too long to get dressed." With that he left Anders standing naked in the dungeons. He hadn't expected that. Actually he felt as if someone had deliberately kept him out of the loop.

Nathaniel couldn't love him. They barely knew each other and Nate certainly hadn't given the impression so far that he was overly fond of Anders. Also love…Anders knew only one mage who had ever dared to love and Jowan wasn't an example to follow, the poor fool.

Anders was startled when he heard noises from upstairs and hurried to get dressed. It wouldn't do to be caught by the darkspawn stark naked.

"I almost thought you were lost", Sigrun said with a knowing smile, her eyes flitting between him and Nathaniel.

Did she know? Anders wondered.

"Anders", Nathaniel said, "can you set those trees on fire?" He nodded towards the black outlines against the night sky.

"You haven't worked me hard enough yet , have you?" Anders grinned but did as he was told and immediately wished he hadn't. The road leading to the keep was swarming with darkspawn.

"Today is a good day to die", Sigrun said with grim happiness.

"Or to live", Nathaniel added and Anders could see him look at him for a moment when he said it.

/

"Anders!" He looked up from healing yet another injured soldier when Nathaniel called his name. They had lost sight of each other in the fray of the battle and Anders was glad to see him up on his feet even if he spouted a nasty gash on his arm and a split lip.

"Aren't ranged combat fighters supposed to keep out of the melee?" He asked when Nathaniel reached him.

"Your advice comes a little too late." The words were as sarcastic as usual but for the first time Anders noticed a certain fondness in Nathaniel's eyes. Maker's mercy had he been so blind all this time?

"Well you survived so you can heed my advice for the next battle. And now sit down so I can heal that", he nodded towards the gash on Nathaniel's arm.

"That's nothing."

Anders rolled his eyes. "Sit down, Nate."

"Have you seen Sigrun?" Anders asked when he laid his hand over the wound. He hadn't seen her since the darkspawn had breached the wall.

"She's fine. Barely a scratch. She's helping to barricade the breach in case more darkspawn are coming."

More than a few soldiers who passed them, slapped Anders' shoulder and thanked him for saving their lives.

"You were busy then", Nathaniel said.

"Oh, you know, rained fire and damnation down on darkspawn, the usual." Anders suddenly felt conscious of being alone and close to Nathaniel. "Healed a few people inbetween."

"You should take a rest. In case there's a second attack."

"Nah, I've got some lyrium potions left over. I'll be fine." He finished healing the cut on Nathaniel's arm but didn't let go of his hand. "There you go."

"Thank you."

"About earlier…"

Nathaniel raised his eyebrows. "A time and a place."

"You told me you loved me five minutes before we were attacked", Anders felt obliged to point out.

"I'm a grown man. I can deal with rejection", Nathaniel said but Anders could see the tightening of his shoulders. Did he want to reject Nathaniel? No. If only because no one's ever looked at him like that in his whole life, that fierce, overwhelming desire to keep him whatever the cost. Anders wasn't used to being wanted and he hated that he wavered between wanting this and being afraid of it. His life in the Circle had left deeper wounds than he usually cared to admit and so far it had been easier to keep people at a distance before they inevitably left him.

Maybe it was time he tried something new. Like having a relationship with someone he cared about.

Anders hooked his fingers into Nathaniel's belt and drew him closer. "You should stop being so pessimistic", he said, kissing him and not caring the slightest bit about the catcalls and comments from the soldiers around them.

"Sighting on the road!" Someone shouted.

They broke the kiss but Anders held onto Nathaniel for a moment, letting out a sigh. "Our timing is dreadful."

Next to them Sigrun cleared her throat. "If you two can keep your hands off each other for a moment, the Commander has come back."

But from the corner of his eye Anders could see that she gave Nathaniel a thumbs up as they climbed down the stairs from the battlement.

No matter what would happen in the future, escape attempt number seven was definitely his favourite so far.


End file.
